My Fifth Baby- The Birth of Roman Benjamin: HBA2C

When we decided to move to Texas I had negotiated with my husband to let me have two more kids.  Its not that he didn’t want more children, our lives were just very busy in Virginia since I was working 60+ hours a week as chief of an anesthesia department that was almost an hour from our house.  We moved to Texas for Adam’s job that would give us more financial freedom and allow me to work part time. He was totally fine with having more kids if we had the emotional room for them to feel as loved as they would be.  We spent a few weeks in Florida on our way down from Virginia to Texas.  I called my midwife from Judah’s birth and went over a few fears I had.  Mainly, how long and difficult Judah’s birth was and how terrified I was of having an even larger baby with shoulder dystocia. She told me to act like I had gestational diabetes, educate myself about it and eat to build a healthier sized baby.  She also said my birth was uneventful to her and that I proved I could birth a ten pound baby so I shouldn’t use that fear as reason to not have another baby.  So we moved in June and started trying in August and soon found out we were pregnant.  I used the at home gender kit “Sneak Peek” and found out via email while in the OR that our baby was a boy.  I’m so glad I was able to bond with him from that minute as a boy instead of having a fantasy of two different babies as my pregnancy progressed.

I had pretty significant morning sickness that lasted all day through my 15-16^th week of pregnancy.  I tried to eat healthfully but it was mostly about survival.  I gained very little weight the first half of my pregnancy and continued to do hot yoga.  I have been practicing 3-4 times a week for eleven years with the exception of the times I was pregnant with Judah and Elia.  The internet had scare stories about how the heat will cook the baby and there wasn’t any real research so I stopped doing hot yoga just to be safe.  I was in a mentally fragile place when we moved here and I didn’t need to take the one thing that made me feel normal. I also found that my body is very good at regulating my temperature in hot yoga since I have been doing it for so long.  So I continued doing it throughout my pregnancy and I credit it for my easy labor.

At 18 weeks, right before we left on a three week Texas roadtrip with the kids, Adam and I went to the anatomy scan.  We were so lucky that COVID did not affect our prenatal care or delivery at all.  I was able to bring my partner to my appointments with me, Nikki even came to an ultrasound with me.  The ultrasound was perfect and the baby was only measuring in the 70^th percentile which is unheard of for me- my babies always top the charts.  However, she did find that I had a placenta previa.  A partial previa meaning the placenta was covering the cervix by a few centimeters.  If it did not move before delivery, the baby would have to be born via cesarean.  I was so sad.  We went to Red Lobster to be sad, Adam hates that restaurant. I researched and found that it moves on its own more than 90% of the time.  I was still so worried.  I spent the next 8 weeks making  plans A-F and feeling good about my options in case I couldn’t have a home birth.  I had the 28 week scan (Nikki was in town to go with me) and the placenta had cleared out of the way completely!  We were having an ice storm during this time, the coldest weather Texas has seen in decades, it knocked out power for weeks, thank God not to our home.  I did my glucose test myself at home since I was not going to be able to make it to my appointment 45 minutes away in the ice.  I failed it.  My sugar was 143.  This confirmed all of my suspicions. I think I have had gestational diabetes with all of my pregnancies but it was so borderline that I sneaked in under that line and was told I didn’t.

From then on, I was very very careful about my intake.  I got a continuous glucose monitor and learned that rice is terrible for my blood sugar. Also any processed bread products.  I gained a total of 20-23 pounds the entire pregnancy and I believe this was due to good diet and exercise. A few days after my glucose test, Adam and I went to Turks and Caicos for our baby moon.  It was so relaxing, just beach and eating.  Also, at around 24 weeks I got the COVID vaccine from Pfizer.  I didn’t have any negative effects other than a sore arm and a fatigue after the second shot. I had to protect myself from my patients who didn’t seem to take the disease seriously.  I even had a surgeon I work with who died because he refused to wear a mask. I’m very glad I did this, I texted the baby for antibodies after he was born and he has COVID antibodies!

At my 34 week appointment, my midwife found that the baby’s head was no longer down.  He had flipped breach.  This kid.  I knew he wasn’t in the right position, I felt him transverse the morning before. I think he just had so much more room than the other kids and used it to move around.  I started doing spinning babies inversions as often as I could remember.  I was still inverting until my last class at 40+2 in yoga.  Handstands, forearm stands, drop backs.  The only thing I stopped doing was core work and obviously closed twists and anything my belly didn’t allow for. After many inversions and lots of worry, baby was head down at my next appointment and didn’t move from there.

I started working at a hospital doing only labor and delivery around 35 weeks.  I loved being around all of the pregnant women and watching them birth their babies.  I just love OB anesthesia and making them feel better.  It can definitely be hard to see hospital policy working against what our bodies to naturally.  So many women would do better moving around their room in labor rather than being strapped to their bed. I did 24 hour shifts and really loved my time there.  I was working a 24 hour shift on my due date when I started having regular contractions.  During some downtime, I had the doppler and was looking for baby’s heart rate since he had slowed down in his movements a little bit. One of the nurses tried to look for me and suggested we go get on the monitor in a labor room so I could lie down and watch the contractions and the heart rate.  I stayed on the monitor for about an hour watching the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I contracted regularly every 5-6 minutes and baby had great variability. I texted the doula and she suggested I go home.  The OB in the unit checked my and I was closed and high- maybe fingertip.  I still decided to leave since my work is an hour from my house. I continued these contractions for four days- all weekend long with breaks just to make me feel crazy.

Roman was due on May 7 by my calculations.  He was not actually expected until May 21 since he was likely to go until 42 weeks just like his siblings.  I didn’t tell anyone his real due date because I didn’t want to hear the constant questions when my due date came and went.  I occasionally let people know what was going on when I could trust them not to drive me crazy or say insensitive things.  That last two weeks is just so painful without constant reminders that your baby is “late”.  I had a feeling he was going to come early, I had had that feeling since around 37 weeks.  I had so many Braxton Hicks contractions and felt a lot of cervical change happening.  My new midwife in Dallas was very hands off and didn’t do cervical checks or anything until 41 weeks.  She was not concerned with my late babies and had no plans to offer induction methods until after that 42 week mark.  I thought I was totally fine with this and even told her not to let me ask for induction because it didn’t work on me and just made my labors harder. Also, cervical checks didn’t do anything for me- just give me info that means nothing at all.

My last day of work was supposed to be May 10 in OB, a 24 hour shift.  Since I had left on Friday, they filled my spot with a CRNA new to our group.  I talked to my boss on Sunday night and he asked if I was up to orienting her on Monday and I could leave after 8 hours or whenever I needed to leave.  I agreed and was happy to have something to do.  I worked and contracted all day.  I had one of the nurses check me before I left, had her do a little messing with my membranes.  She said I was still maybe a 2 on the outside and fingertip on the inside.  I had lost a tiny bit of mucous plug earlier in the day. I drove home and needed to grab supplies for dinner from Whole Foods. I decided to also get some ingredients for Midwives brew. This is Castor Oil, apricot juice, lemon verbena tea, and almond butter. It is what Nancy used to induce labor plus some other herbs.  The worst thing it could do was not work.  It doesn’t cause baby to have a bowel movement in utero or cause still born babies or any of those things. However, I knew my midwife wasn’t into stuff like this.  I decided not to ask her permission.  I talked to my husband about it and he said I should definitely talk to her about it.  I usually would but something made me not tell her.  I just wanted to see if it would jumpstart anything. I had texted with her earlier and she said they had been in births all weekend- I assumed that meant that by the evening on Monday, they were rested.  I took the brew around 4:30 and ate dinner with my family.  My normal contractions continued.  It started raining so my plan to walk around the block was thwarted. 

I told the midwife about the castor oil at 6:30, my contractions weren’t changing, maybe feeling slightly stronger.  She was very upset with me. She told me my birth team had been in a labor for 28 hours just the day before and they were exhausted and I should have told her so she could have given me something to stop the contractions.  I apologized profusely and she said it looked like it wasn’t working anyway.  She told me to take some Tylenol PM and get some sleep.  I don’t do well with medicines like that so I decided to wait on that advice for a while.  As I write about this order of events, I feel like I was being told what to do for the convenience of the provider, much like being in the hospital.  My body told me to move things along, I didn’t trust my provider with what my body was telling me and did something without her knowing. She felt that as a betrayal and was upset with me and how I was dealing with my labor.  None of this is healthy.  I had so much guilt from that point on that I started to ignore the signs that my body was in labor.  All I could think about was my poor labor team and how they hadn’t slept. I watched Mrs. Maisel with Adam on the couch and the kids went to bed.  I continued to contract every 3-5 minutes.  They didn’t feel very strong, just tight. I listened to my baby with my stethoscope, I braced it between my heel and my belly to find the perfect spot.  He sounded great. I started watching The Office and trying to sleep a little between contractions.  This was around 11 pm. I made a blanket nest on the floor and laid on my side with pillows between my legs like a peanut ball. My husband went to bed around midnight, I still didn’t feel like I was in labor.

My dog came and laid next to me while I contracted. I was sleeping between contractions when one hit me that felt different. I had to get up and move.  I needed to sway.  This is the point where I would have called everyone in another situation.  I decided not to call anyone until 4 am so everyone could get some sleep. I gathered my blanket nest, turned off the TV, got my speaker, and went into the shower to listen to music.  I have always had such intense back labor but I wasn’t feeling that at all.  I swayed in the shower and started to go inward a bit. When I got out, I felt like things had changed quite a bit.  I was shaking.  I woke Adam at 1 am.  I told him things were feeling much stronger and I think I need to call the midwife.  I called her from my closet, she was very kind and understanding when I told her I was so sorry but I think I’m in labor.  I breathed through a contraction with her on the phone and she asked me pain level now (earlier and all weekend was 1-3) it was a 6 now. She said to fill the birth tub, get our sheets on the bed, and she was on her way.  I called my doula but she did not answer. This was 0109.

I went outside to open the gates and the cool air felt amazing on my skin.  I was burning up.  I remembered the hormonal heat wave that comes with transition.  I went back in my closet and listened to baby through an incredibly painful contraction, he still sounded great.  I called my mom at 0130 to tell her we may need help when the midwife gets here.  I called from the kitchen and had to get down on all fours during a contraction.  I was walking around the house getting things ready.  The kid wife texted around this time to say she was on the way, the doula and second midwife would not be coming- they were not answering. The photographer answered and was on her way. I found my labor ball under my nightstand and draped my body over it.  This was my most comfortable laboring position with Elia.  I had already tried backwards on the toilet (best position with Judah) and that was excruciating.  The ball was what I needed.  I rolled forward during a contraction and had to start getting loud to get through them.  Deep long sounds of OOOOHHHH.  The midwife called and heard this and had Adam get on facetime with her.  He stopped trying to get the birth pool filled up when she told him he would not need it. This was 0148.  During another strong contraction, I felt a pop as my water broke.  Adam said he could see my mucous plug come out with it.  I asked for towels and my mother made a pile under me.  I could hear her and Adam making a pile of chux pads and towels nearby.  They said “You can move over here now.” I was like, “Uhh, no please bring it here.”  I started feeling the urge to push and the midwife said to blow with horsey lips.  I tried that a couple of times but it was not going to happen, I needed to just listen to my body.  I pushed during one contraction on all four and reached back to feel his head descend.  At the end of the contraction I felt his head retract a few inches.  The next contraction came instantly and I pushed his head out as slowly and controlled as I could.  I felt a slight tear.  I held his head in my hand and got up on one knee. I knew to wait to just a moment and then slowly pushed his shoulders out and into my hands. I pulled him up to my body and set back on the pile of towels. He cried instantly, covered in slime and as beautiful as possible. It was 0207.

The midwife and photographer arrived five minutes after he was born.  I got on the bed and delivered the placenta with the still-pulsing cord.  The midwife stitched up my tiny first degree tear.  I got in the herb bath after the Adam cut the cord.  I was exhausted and still in shock. I’m honestly still in shock as I write this five days later.  I felt lonely about the way I delivered because I am so used to Adam being all up in it with me.  Well, he WAS this time too!  He was in all the same feelings I was having from scared to blown away. I did some research and learned that this is the best way for babies to be born, a precipitous labor, and that only 3% of people get to experience this.  It was crazy but it was empowering and incredible.  I birthed a baby on my bedroom floor without a midwife’s hands to guide me.  I had my husband’s support, my baby’s intuition, and my own experience to create this magical moment.  He is the smallest baby I have had at 8 lbs.  He is 21 inches long like the others and such a good little baby. I am processing this hour by hour but I am immensely grateful for my healthy baby and safe birth.